The Screwed Up Letters

Dear SO,

Stupid Is as Stupid Does

Cleatus and Stella Mysfet were terrible parents. They weren’t bad people, they were just stupid.

Really stupid.

After several years of hoping for a baby (they didn’t realize it required more than hope), they went to visit her doctor. Dr. Pepper was the only doctor she had ever heard of but she couldn’t find him in the local phone book, so she just chose randomly.

“We went to BabiesRUs, but they didn’t have any,” Stella complained to the doctor. The doctor thought it was an odd joke, but he let it go.

“Let’s do a blood test,” he suggested.

“No one told me there would he a test,” Stella complained, “I haven’t studied!”

Graven Images

I look out over the crowd. Bowing and groveling, and all I can think is how boring it is.

“My people,” I say. Not a one of them speaks, not a one of them moves. Ah what the heck do I even say to them? These daily revelations were getting tedious. “The path to eternal happiness lies in not doing something that would stop you from being eternally happy.”

No doubt the priests would go over that in great length decoding it and finding some hidden eternal truth in it. Why not have some fun with it… “The key to happiness is found on the moon.” Let’s see them struggle with that.

Chapter 2

A soft thud woke me up. I looked around startled, but everything was pitch black.

Thud.

Another thud.

“Hello?”

Whatever was “thudding” was getting closer.

A Complaint and My Response

Piercing, haunting, the screams pierced the afternoon air.  Something or someone was in tremendous agony.  Every parent’s worst nightmare.  She swept around the van faster than the super hero she was, worried that somehow someone’s fingers or toes got jammed to the door.  There he was crippled on floor, sobbing, muttering “My Beautiful, My Beautiful.” 

Meet…Vanity!

I sighed, annoyed as we walked towards the worst and egotistical man on earth. “I don’t know why we’re here,” I told Mandy. “We don’t need him, for he’s already so occupied.”

Mandy shot me an annoyed look. “Trevor, he may know where the mirror is. I mean…he has great experience with mirrors.”

New Year’s

11:57.

The busy square was filled with people. The young and old, rich and poor, were all gathered together, laughing and shouting to one another. A father held his child on his shoulders and pointed to a tower located in the middle of the square with a large multicolored sphere at the top.

The Answer

It fell slowly.

To See the World Through a Different Lens

A sharp cling rings in my ears as IT hits the ground. IT bounces up quickly, then rattles to silence as IT eventually lies motionless on the wooden floor.

“Stop, rewind. Rewind,” I say. My eyes are squeezed shut. Little dots cross my vision as I watch it again.

Cling.

Becoming

2761-b3 — no. no. Jacob breathes deeply and tries again. He drops the quarter. It hits the scorched ground with a resounding clang — one that spoke of years of trying and trying and hoping and hoping. All societies die. All civilizations collapse. But his problem is he can feel it happening. Bit by bit, man is dying.